weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
