I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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