i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
