Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
