we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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