Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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