butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
