Can Purell be used as lube?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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