Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can I color on your dick again?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
