So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
