I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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