i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
