it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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