We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
