He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
