the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
