He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
