I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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