Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
