there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
