You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
