we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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