She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
