that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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