At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
