I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
