a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
