It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and you said cock pushups were impossible
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
