I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
