Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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