Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
