I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
