I cannot find my penis.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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