Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
