im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
