Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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