Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
True college students do jello shots in the library
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