i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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