I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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