Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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