There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You were trust falling into bushes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
