So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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