he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
