Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
