weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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