You're my little dorito
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
