You made me cry and you don't even care
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
