how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
