I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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