Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
